dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You ruined the universe
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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