Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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