At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So. Much. Porn.
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