so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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