I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
