He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I am spending my child support on dildos
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize