The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
