All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
