found the other keg... it's in the tree
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
