I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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