dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize