some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
