whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize