Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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