Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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