We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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