i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
