she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
