It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
