He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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