That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
