Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
