My room smells like vodka and shame
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
