i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
