I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Randomize
