think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize