Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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