i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I will be naked everywhere
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
