Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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