I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
