this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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