I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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