just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
