These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
