Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize