Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
