My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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