Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
