At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
