Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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