We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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