Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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