One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I believe in your delicious
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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