i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
