Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm sobbing to NWA
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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