I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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