I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
