are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
