Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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