Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
