Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
