i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
