Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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