he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize