Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
