Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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