ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
