You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize