atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
