Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
