how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
