Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
