It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
