She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
You came to the right person.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
