The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
