do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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