I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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