you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
