I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
