I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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