over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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