Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
