Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You ruined the universe
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
