I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
