the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
