I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
