God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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