dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
