New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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