um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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