I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
