just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Come share oat with me in your robe
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