I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Little spoons don't ask big questions
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
