I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
