whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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