You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I look better un-naked...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
