Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize