So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
