He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Fuck appropriateness.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
