a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
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