did you get engaged???
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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