We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
