You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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