I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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