sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
