It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Im part way to drunk.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
