I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
