Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
