Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
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