i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
