downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
